I’m sorry, CSI : New York writers, but I’ve had enough. Your show has driven me to the brink of annoyance, frustration and disappointment. I could cope with the dodgy acting, the slightly unbelievable plots and the unrealistic emotional attachments between the cast, but one thing has narked me off.

One thing. Quite literally, one thing. In the last dozen episodes of CSI : New York, perhaps even more episodes had I started counting earlier, we’ve been treated to a line something similar to this:

There’s only ONE building in New York that uses that sort of roof tile

or

There’s just ONE location where that plant grows 

No more. What a frigging cop-out. There they are, the CSI’s, looking for clues, when lo and indeed behold, there’s only ONE place, in the entire of New York city, one of the biggest cities in the whole sphere of human existence, that paints their door that shade of blue. Nonsense. Are the writers just getting lazy on their fat American paycheques? “Ooh, can’t work out how they locate our villanous murderer, let’s… er… aha! Yes! He’s the only person in New York city who owns a rare Indonesian parrot, whose feathers happen to be found at the crime scene. There, that’ll do, I’m off home to watch some poor American sitcoms.”

Plus, whilst I’m here, I might as well discuss the amazing CSI : New York computer system that they have. It can search on anything. Genuinely. Anything. A CSI finds a piece of blue ribbon? Then run a search through the “Ribbon database” to find out where it was made, who made it, what they had for breakfast and where they keep their bagels. What’s that? A piece of brown crayon? No problem, run it through the “Brown crayon database”! Hurrah! Full dimensional schematics and chemical composition of the brown crayon, probably manufactured by one place in the entire WORLD.

Sorry Channel 5, but you might find you have at least one less viewer of CSI : New York. I’ve searched through my patented “Televisual broadcasts database” and have located ONE channel to watch instead of the ever-increasing farce of coincidence ridden CSI : New York.