I love DVDs. Some people would say I love DVDs a little too much. That I have taken my affections into a strange and somewhat inappropriate direction. A direction that no relationship between a man and four and three quarter inch piece of plastic should take.

I ignore those people.

Part of the joy of a good DVD is a finding it has a great commentary.

Imagine my dismay then when I found that one of my favourite films of the year also suffers from one of the worst commentaries I have ever endured. Actually, I’ll go on record as saying that this is the worst.

300, I’m looking in your direction.

Why it should be good, at the very least – 300 is of course based on the comic book of the same name. Taking the approach of filming the actors entirely on blue screen and then digitally recreating the comic panels around them as closely as possible, this is a VFX masterclass. It’s also a delightfully violent and unashamedly macho flick. Even purely from a visual effects level, there is lots to talk about. How about getting an actor on board to describe the difficulties of performing entirely on stage?

The guilty parties – Co-Writer/Director Zack Snyder, Co-Writer Kurt Johnstad and Director of Photography Larry Fong.

Why it’s a complete trainwreck – You can recreate the 300 commentary experience without purchasing the disc simple by randomly selecting one of the following four options. Repeat this process for 111 minutes.

The RPGer reading can use his D4 (yes, you) to choose, everyone else can just flip a coin twice.

1. Director Zack Snyder points out a shot that is taken directly from the comic. He doesn’t elaborate at all, he literally says “This shot is right from the comic”.
2. Painful silence.
3. Director Zack Snyder points out an element which is CGI. Once again, he doesn’t elaborate so much as say “That is CGI”.
4. One of the other two participants draw upon their years of experience to enlighten us by… agreeing with something Zack Snyder just said. This typically consists of “Yeah, that’s right”.

I did well by lasting 30mins before falling asleep. In the morning I posted the rental back, safe in the knowledge I was missing nothing of interest. Although how will I live with myself, never know exactly which shots are exact recreations of comic panels and which elements are CGI?

Quite easily thankyou.