The Mission: To taste other variants of Freddo the frog chocolates imported from Australia, the little frog man’s homeland. Click here for overly dramatic build up.

Today: Post feast debrief.

It’s all over. The Freddos have all been slowly dissolved in a furious pit of stomach acids, their wrappers lie desolate and empty in the bin near my desk and the delicate flavours are all but memories in my deranged mind.

But it was brilliant. The fact that I had to suffer the torture of eating numerous tasty Freddos for the sake of art is something that I don’t regret and I’ve vowed to buy some more 3D Freddos in the near future for those times when I’m feeling a bit down and want to ravage a chocolate frog.

In total, seven different Freddos (I had two 3D Freddos remember?) and one Caramello Koala were eaten. The net weight of this bounty was 261g of chocolate, which seems relatively minor, but this appears to have translated to a significant increase in my waistline. Oh well, you only live once right?

I realise that I only taste-tested eight things, but for those of you who either a) are forgetful, b) couldn’t be bothered to read all the reviews or c) can’t read, I’ve summarised the scores below in what must be the world’s first…

Fantastically Flamboyant Foreign Freddo Feast Chart Rundown!

• 7 – Coming in at 7th place, it’s that minty-fresh frog filled with dubious green pond slime, Mint Freddo, with a score of 5/10.
• 6 – Floating his milky pasty self in to 6th place, it’s Giant White Chocolate Freddo, with a total of 6/10.
• 5 – Strawberry Freddo bowls a blinder off the leg stump to find a googly wicket with 7/10.
• 4 – Just pipping old strawbs into 4th place it’s Caramello Koala, the curiously red Koala with that tasty caramel sensation and weird springy feet with 7/10.
• 3 – Slapping into the hot rocking star spangled top three now and stomping his way to third like Godzilla stomping over Tokyo or the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man stomping his way around New York City, it’s the fearsome Giant Freddo and his towering 8/10.
• 2 – Jam packed full of crunchie goodness to the degree where it’s pouring out of all his orifices, it’s the crunch-tastic Crunchie Freddo with 9/10.
• 1 – By taking himself into three dimensions he’s sent our taste buds into a thousand different dimensions, the number one spot on this choc-a-doodle-tastic chart belongs to the mystery sweet filled, dimensionally sound, generously proportioned 3D Freddo, with an unbeatable and perfect 10/10.

So 3D Freddo takes the win with a perfect score. It all hinged on the mystery fillings with 3D Freddo and they delivered, allowing him to take home the championship trophy (note: championship trophy didn’t really exist).

Lowlights? Giant White Chocolate Freddo was a particular disappointment, particularly with him being snapped in half and long dead before he arrived with me, plus Mint Freddo was a shame, because I am a fan of mint/choc combo sweets like After Eights and Matchmakers and the like.

Highlights? Eating lots of chocolate and writing overly wordy gubbins about it are certain highlights, but the greatest moment of this whole shambles was eating what I thought was a white chocolate speck & fleck sweet from 3D Freddo only to find out it was, in fact, a Boom Boom Bit. Someone probably once said “Memories are made by eating one sweet and suddenly finding out it’s another, really exciting, one” and I stick by that.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this rambling excuse for me eating lots of chocolate and becoming even more of a fatty-bum-bum. Perhaps next time I could write a series of reviews of something else, like tea, biscuits or cakes. I gladly await your comments and views on where I should tread next. For now though, thanks for reading and please remember to not laugh at my increased weight. Oh alright, don’t laugh much then.

Also, if I don’t get a free box of Freddo’s from Cadbury now I shall be most miffed. Come on Mr Cadbury’s Parrot, sort it out.