*some muzak plays*
Hello. Trench and Penge are absent at the moment. In this post-Christmas lull, they’ve decided to have a little break to recharge their woefully drained comedy batteries.
Trench and Penge will return in the New Year, and you can be confident that in a brand new year, in a brand new decade, they’ll still [...]

*penge and trench sit at either end of an enormous, long table in an otherwise empty hall. along the entire length of the table is a copious amount of food and drink*
Hello readers, it’s Christmas Day. As you can see, myself and Mr Trench are already tucking into the feast.
*mr trench pulls a party popper. it pops. [...]

Xmas tv is, as we all know, almost universally rubbish. Aside from two or so Christmas specials of note, and some insane re-imagining of an Attack of the Killer Plants story, you’d be better off on Xbox Live, cup of tea in hand.
If you are one of ‘the womens’ things are fractionally better because at [...]

The Randomlinkage management would like to point out that using the phrase
Only five/four/three more sleeps until Christmas
when you over the age of 8 years old is wrong, is a crime and is punishable by death, a terrible death which will arive slowly in the form of a bombardment of pathetic twee sentences such as the one [...]

Before we continue with this, I want to stress that when I say the filthy, dirty side of computers, I do mean proper filth and dirt, like dust and cobwebs and grime and suchlike. If you’re after the other type of dirt and filth I recommend you speak to Mr Trench, he’s the resident expert there. [...]

A previous post about a modern piece of music in the ‘hit parade’ established very firmly that I am an old, wizened Gent, grey of hair and blessed with a high, high age. To try to keep my ear to the ground and remain ’street’ and ‘urban’ I have continued to listen to Radio 1, [...]

Ha ha, see what I did there readers? I made a derogatory remark about a postman by using the famous children’s character Postman Pat and changing his name a little! Oh, how we laughed. Didn’t we?
I’d like everyone to give my postman a nice big round of applause. Get to your feet and shower him with [...]

Claim: “You are what you eat.”
Objectives: To eat things and see if any physical aspects of the items eaten manifest themselves upon my person.
Apparatus: Roast beef, chicken curry, marmite on toast, boiled egg (with soldiers), custard cream biscuits, slice of cake, Freddo the Frog chocolates, plate, knife, fork, spoon.
Method: The utensil-based apparatus was used to [...]

Whilst walking home from work the other day, I heard the faint sounds of music that could only be described as ‘bangin’ or ‘phat’. It was bassy, to the degree that I swear the ground shook, it was loud and it featured ‘the rapping’. In my mind I tutted at the volume that this music [...]

It’s been a while since I put anything decent on Linkage and for this I do apologise.
I also apologise for this post which is essentially a shoddy placeholder post attempting to pass itself off as something well written and elaborately constructed. To be fair though, I have been very busy, oh so very busy. But [...]

Hello readers – Merry Christmas to you all from me, The Feisty Kim. I have been allowed access to Linkage Towers on this special occasion… I have a treat in store for you all.
In amidst my work Christmas party festivities I pulled my cracker and immediately thought of Mr Trench (Yes, it was slightly disturbing). [...]

It’s that time of year readers where myself and Mr Penge begin moaning insessantly about the years ‘festivities’, donning our miserable old men faces for a period of no less than 40 days. Fortunately the month of December provides plenty of fuel for our anti-fun machine, which is fortunate for us as we don’t like [...]