A good friend of mine, a Sir Doddworth, aka Dodd, sent me a text message the other day that began with the line :
Holy Kumquats!
This set my mind racing and I quickly formulated a goal that I have to achieve before I shuffle off this mortal coil and die. My task is this : I [...]

I’m messing with the site theme, things might look odd/random for a bit.
Suggested game: Squint and pretend you’re having a seizure.
Edit: Tinkering over, continue with your… ‘lives’.

Yes, it’s true, in my spare time I battle vampires and yes, they did make a film about me. Admittedly, Wesley Snipes doesn’t have the same magnetic appeal to the ladies as I have but I was too busy killing fiends of the night to attend the filming.
Here is the evidence.

I have been defeated. I really have. I lent my Gamecube to a friend at work, you’ll know him via the comments as Fazzer. His kids played on the ‘Cube a great deal over the Easter holidays and great fun was had by all.
However, upon the return of the mighty ‘Cube I couldn’t help noticing [...]

In a moment of absolutely priceless rarity, the Formula One governing body have actually sanctioned something against Michael “Cheating Bastard” Schumacher.
To summise briefly, the 6 times world champion (1994 doesn’t count as his) was on pole but as probably going to be beaten. So does he sportingly concede defeat into second place? No. Instead, this [...]

Well, it might have taken them to (arguably) the last few years of the format, but they got there eventually. Blade Runner finally gets a stacked dvd release.
… just in time for the film’s 25th anniversary, Ridley Scott’s ultimate Blade Runner: The Final Cut will hit theaters for a limited run. This will be a [...]

Behold as a crazed American lady, so desperately bored with her job, decides to liven it up a little.
She really shouldn’t have bothered.

I heard something that ever so slightly narked me recently. In Northamptonshire, there is a place, I think it’s a village. It is called Cogenhoe. Nothing wrong with that in itself. The thing that irritates me is the pronunciation of the name.
You’d imagine it would be pronounced ‘Cog-un-ho’, or ‘Co-gen-ho’. But oh no, how wrong [...]

The beeb reports that one mentally weak nobody has walked out of the Big Brother house after just five days. However the bit that caught my attention and really made me consider whether I was missing out on some ‘must see tv’ was the picture caption.
Shahbaz’s theatrics have included hiding food and crying regularly
Rivetting stuff [...]

June 23rd, £100.
Excellent.

I went to my parents a while ago and, on sunday afternoon, we took a pleasant walk around the village. Our route took us through the local park, where I spotted something baffling.
There was an area that was fenced off, it looked like it contained sheds and general park maintenance equipment. The fence was of [...]

The word ‘blummin’ should be used more often this year. Instead of cursing with the ‘F’ word, use blummin instead.
Repeat after me :
“This is blummin expensive!”
“That’s not blummin right.”
“You’re a blummin idiot!”
See? Much better. Spread this simple message to the world and watch it become a friendlier, blummier, place.

For maybe the first time in living memory, the best Eurovision Song Contest participants actually won the contest.
Lordi, Finnish horror rockers, dressed in their excellently crafted monster outfits, clinch a dominant first place at the worlds most prestigious *cough cough* musical showdown.
The lead monster of the band, whose name is also Lordi, left us with this thoughtful yet melancholy comment :
“We are a [...]

(The first of what is sure to be many Wii-based pun post titles there.)
IGN have a quick rundown of the Wii launch titles as they stand currently.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
Wii Sports
Red Steel
Tony Hawk’s Downhill Jam
Madden NFL 2007
Dragon Quest Swords: The Masked Queen and the Tower of Mirrors
Super Monkey Ball: Banana [...]

Yes, it can. You f*ck.
Well, the weeks are going to fly by for the other housemates with that chap in there, aren’t they? Aw, bless.
*sniggers*